issue作文范文

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issue1 又写超时了，另外，想不出什么例子怎么办，听听大家意见。 ------题目------

We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning. ------正文------

From people whose views we share we get confidence, encouragement, and psychological satisfaction; from people whose views contradict our own we get new angles, fresh perspectives, and pertinent advices. But excessive agreements would lead us to the morass of self-complacence; and extreme contradictions would weaken our determination of learning. Thus we should fully recognize the potential danger of limiting our vision in one of the two sides. And only through the approach of paying equal attention to both sides could we make further achievements in the process of learning.

Views and ideas from people agree with us may raise our confidence, strengthen our courage, and enhance our psychological satisfaction. According to common sense and our everyday experience, the propensity to accept the ideas from people who agree with us rather than the opinions from people disagree with us associates strongly with the nature of human beings, for we are social animals and it is the inner instinct of us to seek for approval of others. Imagine, what would you react if the work accomplished by your arduous efforts receives fierce criticism or not even a glance? You would lose your strength to march in the long road of learning. On the contrary, agreements may cause the feeling of being accepted and consented, thus we gain the psychological satisfaction which will impulse us to learn more. Moreover, customarily, we tend to imitate and share ideas and behaviors from our parents, friends, classmates and so forth, who are in the same group of ours. By this way we form knowledge of our own.

Not under all circumstances we can learn from people whose views we share. Only base on the premises that all the views of our assenters are authentic and sincere, however, could we learn useful knowledge from them. On condition that people consent and even flatter us for certain purposes which have nothing to do with learning, our learning would be hindered instead of motivated. We would be possessed in the illusive pride and limited in a narrow bound of vision. Consequently, we can see that the speaker’s assertion is incomplete and oversimplified.

Contradicting views and ideas could aware us of the mistakes and flaws in our work which we can not discover by ourselves, bring us fresh angles and perspectives, and then make our work mature and complete. Thereby through the discussion and competition both we and the people disagree with us could make advancements in our learning. Debate on the same subject make it possible for human beings to make most of the achievements and advances on fields of science, technology, philosophy and the like. If we see only on the one side of the coin, we could get only a partial and distorted knowledge and view which might mislead our learning.

Also, contradiction may cause negative effects under certain conditions, especially when the debate becomes irrational denouncement or personal attack. Then our confidence would be impaired by the criticisms and our learning inhibited by the stress excessive contradictions brings us. Disagreements would be detrimental rather than beneficial to our learning under this

circumstance.

Bias on each of the two sides is detrimental to our learning for that agreements and disagreements form a organic entity which can not be absolutely divided. Over reliance on one side is blind and unwise. Agreements base on no evidence are actually flatters; disagreements without rational reasons are reprimands. We would be enmeshed in the web of self-contention sewed by ourselves and could not go ahead if we and blinded by the flatters; we would be frozen in the chilly night of darkness created by reprimands and became helpless and hopeless. We must pay equal attentions on both sides to see the whole picture.

To sum up, ideas of people whose views we share and people whose views contradict our own play their respective role in our learning, and none of them should be neglected. Therefore, balance between both sides is needed. And only through this way could we achieve the further goal in our process of learning.

Not under all circumstances we can can we learn from people whose views we share. Only base on the premises that all the views of our assenters are authentic and sincere, however, could we learn useful knowledge from them. On condition that people consent and even flatter us for certain purposes which have nothing to do with learning, our learning would be hindered instead of motivated. We would be possessed in the illusive pride and limited in a narrow bound of vision. Consequently, we can see that the speaker’s assertion is incomplete and oversimplified.

with us could make advancements in our learning. Debate on the same subject make it possible for human beings to make most of the achievements and advances on fields of science, technology, philosophy and the like. If we see only on the one side of the coin, we could get only a partial and distorted knowledge and view which might mislead our learning. 这一段都是枯燥的说理, 有点weak, 最好能有证据支持一下

Bias on each of the two sides is detrimental to our learning for that agreements and disagreements form a organic entity which can not be absolutely divided. Over reliance on one side is blind and unwise. Agreements base on no evidence are actually flatters; disagreements without rational reasons are reprimands. We would be enmeshed in the web of self-contention sewed by ourselves and could not go ahead if we and are blinded by the flatters; we would be frozen in the chilly night of darkness created by reprimands and became helpless and hopeless. We must pay equal attentions on both sides to see the whole picture.

语言很是不错, 结构也很清晰,但是感觉有些论点没有很好的支持.

另外,关于题目有一点不理解,请教一下:

我觉得learn from people whose views we share是不是不应该包括表扬激起学习动力这个方面?换句话说,也许表扬会刺激的是自学,那么和题目讲的是不是就不是一个范围了?

------题目------

We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning. ------正文------

Views and ideas from people agree[用分词形式] with us may raise our confidence, strengthen our courage, and enhance our psychological satisfaction. According to common sense and our

everyday experience, the propensity to accept the ideas from people who agree with us rather than the opinions from people disagree[疑惑，这种用法对么？做什么成分呢？] with us associates strongly with the nature of human beings, for we are social animals and it is the inner instinct of us to seek for approval of others. Imagine, what would you react if the work accomplished by your arduous efforts receives fierce criticism or not even[or even not] a glance? You would lose your strength to march in the long road of learning. On the contrary, agreements may cause the feeling of being accepted and consented, thus we gain the psychological satisfaction which will impulse us to learn more.[这个地方提到learn more，有效点题，好！] Moreover, customarily, we tend to imitate and share ideas and behaviors from our parents, friends, classmates and so forth, who are in the same group of ours. By this way we form knowledge of our own.[moreover以后说的不明白，想说什么呢？同more有关系么？]

Not under all circumstances we can learn from people whose views we share. Only base [还是应该是分词形式吧，做主语]on the premises that all the views of our assenters are authentic and sincere, however, could we learn useful knowledge from them. On condition that people consent and even flatter us for certain purposes which have nothing to do with learning, our learning would be hindered instead of motivated. We would be possessed in the illusive pride and limited in a narrow bound of vision. Consequently, we can see that the speaker’s assertion is incomplete and oversimplified.

Contradicting views and ideas could aware us of the mistakes and flaws in our work which we can not discover by ourselves, bring us fresh angles and perspectives, and then make our work mature and complete. Thereby through the discussion and competition both we and the people disagree with us[both后面we应该放在and后面] could make advancements in our learning. Debate on the same subject make [makes]it possible for human beings to make most of the achievements and advances on fields of science, technology, philosophy and the like. If we see only on the[去掉the] one side of the coin, we could get only a partial and distorted knowledge and view which might mislead our learning.

Also, contradiction may cause negative effects under certain conditions, especially when the debate becomes irrational denouncement or personal attack. Then our confidence would be impaired by the criticisms and our learning inhibited by the stress excessive contradictions brings [动词用法错误]us. Disagreements would be detrimental rather than beneficial to our learning under this circumstance.

Bias on each of the two sides is detrimental to our learning for that agreements and disagreements form a [an]organic entity which can not be absolutely divided. Over reliance on one side is blind[这个说法地道么？讨论一下] and unwise. Agreements base [还是一样的，用法？based on 才对吧？]on no evidence are actually flatters; disagreements without rational reasons are reprimands. We would be enmeshed in the web of self-contention sewed by ourselves and could not go ahead if we and blinded by the flatters; we would be frozen in the chilly night of darkness created by reprimands and became helpless and hopeless. We must pay equal attentions on[词组应该用to吧？] both sides to see the whole picture. [此处如果再强调一下to learn more就更好了]

[675词啊，好长的说。。。

鬼谷子用词很精道啊，variety充分体现，而且用的很准确，看了很享受。只是语法上有些小点需要在讨论一下，文章里我都列出来了。这篇属于我改的很快的一篇，不到3个小时，因为没有那么多不确定的用法，只查了几处字典，结果，你的用法是对的

逻辑上，我自己的提纲几乎同你一样，连想好的说法，理由什么的都同你的几乎一样，所以就不再多说了

结构上，几个body大段也比较清晰，进行了充分的展开和说明，还有对比。开头和总结也都很好！加油加油！] issue1 从testmagic找来的，这几天写这个题目的人不妨进来看看 from http://www.testmagic.com/forum/t ... 870&whichpage=2

We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than whose views contradict us. Disaggreement can cause stress and inhibit learning.

if prejudice is left out in the process of learnig, the presence of disaggreement between both sides (side who learns and side who is learned) can lead to great gain and make this process more availing than what was in the case of complete

aggreement. This means if the rationality is the only power that can turn the resault of arguments in learnnig procedure, not only it won't lead to stress or hinder learning , but also it will prosper the procedure and lead to striking conclusion. there are two reasons supporting my claims:

first, various views in one topic get discussion completed and deepen. if all persons have the same view and no body contradit them,a lot of hidden aspect of topic will remain unconsidered. as we know, almost each theory particulary in the human-related subjects has alot of rivals who oppose or confine the correctness of others. Lack of persons who contradict our accepted thoery make us incognizant of rivalry theory who express the imperfections of our own. for example, in political science class, when the teacher teaches the liberalism as a political idealogy and all of student love this kind of political regime, the imperfection of such regime- like the authority and power of capital in driving the society- may not be considered deeply and deversely. challenging the idea and deep look on it require powerful opponents whose views contradit our own about it.

secondly, the presence of persons who oppose our views create kind of competition in process of learning. Tending to prove our ideas and defend it agianst rivalry one, we need to study and investigate various concepts and find a proper response to opponents. as a resault, the quiet and static learning atmospher convert to dynamic and fresh one.

if there is a aperson who doubts the reaization of equity in the theory of market economy, the admireres of this theory must do more intllectual efforts to learn how the imperfection was resolved in this thoey or how they can find a solution to this doubt, the compaign ignored in the lack of such opponent.

however, when reationality is replaces by bigotery and prejudice , these advantageous may be disappeared. Becuase every body just tries to prove himself instead of real fact and truth , the process of learning is accimpanied by dispute, belligerence and intolerance of others ideas.This creats the atmosphere of anxiety and distress and hiders learnig. In this condition, it seems more availing to be no disagreement among people who tend to learn.

in this essay, we show that with committing to rationality by all parties , the presence of persons who oppose our views may creat a great achievement. it is because in one hand disagreement clarifies the unobserved points of the topic and in the other hand, it encourages persons to make more efforts and intellectual endeavors. However, if the rationality is omited among the people who are going to learn, the correctness of the main claim is doubtless.

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Someone's comments:

Hi Ali, as expected (from prior encounters), your English is very smooth and in general the lines flow well.

healthy amount of skepticism

intellectual stagnation

joint views of the group are sacrosanct and can not be contradicted or questioned

This undue reverence for intellectual views clouds objectivity and in fact leads to a retrogressive trend, rather than enhancing the learning experience.

We learn to question and expose stereotype views.

Very well written again- you must be getting bored of compliments. I'll point out one possible flaw. IMO you should give more concrete examples. Examples from day-to-day life and of renowned scholars etc.that a reader can relate to and find further interest in reading ahead .I know it's hard to come up with interesting examples on the spur of the moment. But they will make the reading more interesting than a purely theoretical essay. Also, there is one more thing, that I was told to incorporate in my writing. Try to summarise your main point of the para in your starting lines.Make the objective of each para clear in the very start, so that even an inattentive reader realises that each para has its aim. Like, the first para- is the ' gain deeper insight through dissension'; the second para- 'get a broader view through incorporating different viewpoints'. Yet on another dimension, this exercise of learning from people, having views different from us, teaches us some very fundamental but necessary elements. Is scholarly disagreement among peers

not a form of the democratic process, albeit in a narrower sense? We learn to consider other people's opinions and views, and even if we donot agree with them, we learn to respect them. Learning in this way is a mutual exercise, where we share our experiences with other people and in turn benefit from their experiences. Would such disagreement cause stress? On the contrary, it would help bridge gulfs in view, opinions and attitudes. At the end of day, everyone would come out as more learned scholars and more open-minded individuals.

Any situation can be taken to an extreme and the same is true here as well. Petty criticism and disagreement for the sake of disagreement can hamper and inhibit learning. Disagreement has to be positive with an aim towards learning and promoting harmony. It should strive towards promoting and building scholarly objectivity. It is from this type of learning that we learn more, and it is form of scholarly disagreement that I am convassing for. Nice concluding para- 'keep out petty criticism and promote harmony'. One spelling error 'canvassing'- I'm being nit-picking.

Really nice essay. Be sure to incorporate more & more interesting examples.

Hope my critique was of help. Another essay

Learning is a process, which occurs when we come across situations, and views, which we are not aware of and which are not in tandem with what we know till then. This situation is created when we meet people whose views do not agree with our own and we come across a different point of view. This is the situation that makes us explore the topic more to prove our point. This makes us learn and enhances our knowledge. Disagreement does cause stress but it is this stress, which inspires us to investigate, and enhances rather than inhibits the learning process.

The civilization would not have advanced to the present level if people through generations had thought the same on all topics. Every time a new theory was formulated, the reason was that the views of an individual did not agree with the formulated explanations he had been given to by the society at that time. People did try to inhibit a new line of thought and oppose it but it was always this opposition that inspired the individual more to prove his point. The atom was believed to be indivisible and had it not been for someone who did not agree with this, the nuclear power would not have been developed till now. The earth was thought to be flat and it was the disagreement of views between people that made them discover earth was spherical and provide an explanation for the rotation and revolution. All these contradictions with the existing views increased our knowledge and made us learn more.

Disagreement inspires us to learn more. If all of us start agreeing with the existing theories and with each other, there will be no inspiration for us to explore further. In our present generation there are people who believe that life is possible outside of earth and it is driving them to investigate on their line of thought. Their investigations might make it possible for people to live on other planets. There are people who believe AIDS is curable and it is making search for that cure. There are people in disputing countries who believe that there can be peace and it is their belief that has been avoiding war. Though terrorism is widespread and infective today, there are people who think it can be removed and that is making them work towards it.

A child learns only what his parents know till he goes to school. There he comes across other children who know different things than him as parents of those children have a different point of view. This makes him question his own knowledge and he struggles to find answers to those questions and learns. Slowly he develops the ability to read and understand. He reads a lot of things, which differ, from his lifestyle and his community. He formulates new thoughts, new questions and the process of learning goes on. In every step of our development from a child to an adult we are given answers that satisfy us for the time being, and if we do not come across people who contradict our views we do not learn anymore.

Stress caused by disagreement is the factor, which provides inspiration to enhance our learning. In conclusion I would like to reiterate that we learn much more from people whose views contradict our own rather than from people whose views we share.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi Nisha

here's what I think: quote:

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Originally posted by nisha_r

Learning is a process, which occurs when we come across situations, and views, which we are not aware of and which are not in tandem with what we know till then. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nisha, this sentence is too long. you need to use pronouns very carefully. It's better to cut your sentences if they're tending to be too long.

quote:

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This situation is created when we meet people whose views do not agree with our own and we come across a different point of view. This is the situation that makes us explore the topic more to prove our point. This makes us learn and enhances our knowledge. Disagreement does cause stress but it is this stress, which inspires us to investigate, and enhances rather than inhibits the learning process.

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here again, usage of \"this\" - do restrict it. Your sentences are kinda complicated. They are not taking me to the point immediately. This'll require some practice, but you _must_ do it. your

intention here is to get your point across to the reader the moment he/she reads it. And the moment it is read, the reader must think \"ah! so this is her approach\".

Also, the first para, the intro, must clearly state your stance. it's not a rule, but it's the best way to show the way to the reader.

The best part is that you have good points, and good examples to support them.

But again, you need to organize your essay better. Also, the conclusion must first state your stance emphatically. then summarize your essay points and then say something really positive about your stance.

quote:

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Stress caused by disagreement is the factor, which provides inspiration to enhance our learning. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this should not be the starting of your conclusion. also, it doens't make much sense. Please plan your essays in such a way that you have time to read them, and read them as a reader.

Also, you must sparingly use words liek \"I\stance. use them, also, when your giving persoanl experiences. but other than that, make the essay look more like an academic paper.

I would say that the test taker must plan to finsih the essay writing part in 40 minutes and not 45 minute, since it's certainly going to take some time deciding which topic to write on. And then one needs to wait atleast 5 secons before the laswt reading, so that you'll get the feeling that you're reading this essay for the first time. Also, make sure that there are atleast 10 seconds after you finsih with the whole thing. It'll make you more confident that you ahve finished it in time.

I hope you didn't mind my frank opinion. I only want to help... hope all this helps....

-vemvin

Issue2 习作点评 by imong

Before putting into a pair of scales [???] the benefits and the damages of competition to the society, I suggest first analyzing where these advantages and disadvantages come from.

Competition is inevitable to everything in the universe. Every individual thing exists in and thus is confined by a certain situation whose status and change are beyond its control. The continuous requirement of the thing for input, namely resources, can only be met by its situation. Therefore, it has no other choice but to adapt itself to such situation. Otherwise it will slow its development or even decay to its end. If there are many individuals of the same sort under the same restraint of resources, as in most cases, fights and conflicts for resources for each one’s own use, in other words, competition, will be produced by the law of nature.

Our civilizations and we humans are not exceptions. Competition is everywhere in the world. It can never be avoided or even eliminated. If one person (or group) does not have to face competition, this means two things.

One thing is that the person will get inertial and reluctant to progress, because lack of competition helps to get him rid of responsibility, and reward too, for his work. If the results are no different, it is naturally advisable for one to choose an easier and more convenient way. In such a favorable condition away from challenges and difficulties for too long, one’s capabilities and energy will flag. And when his circumstance comes to [??] a tough change, he will be confronted with amplified challenges.

The other thing is that someone else must pays for his bill, as both a result of and a reason for his avoidance of competition. A giant business group, such as GE before Jack Welch became its CEO, has many child companies. A child company runs as a ring in the supply chain of the whole group, and partly or completely, has no necessity to compete seriously with similar companies in the open market. Bureaucracy grows and improvement delays. Loss of such a company is diverted by and to its parent group, in means like that the group purchases goods from the company at a higher price than that could be found in the external market fraught with competition. When the group is able to afford this loss, and usually there is compensation of profit from its children, in case of Scale Effect (the bigger a business is, the cheaper its product gets), everything will be OK. However, as soon as the group fails to win enough profit and goes bankrupt in the competition at a higher level, its children will suffer a tragedy or doom. And if there is only one group which dominates or occupies the market and has no threatening rivals, the group will unconsciously or calculatingly slows down its paces forward. Then, as a monopoly emerges, it will be the customers and the society that pays the bill. That’s what economists have long discussed about and why they have generally agreed on promoting competition.

A contrast between the disparate roads taken by China and Japan will perfectly elucidates what competition can introduce to the society. New China managed to turn nearly all businesses throughout the country into state-owned. And the widely applied equalization of wages among workers marked the success in minimizing competition within the country. National monopolies abounded and people became less and less satisfied by what those inertial product providers (the term of company could hardly be seen in China then) could supply. Over the ocean, Japan, who had made China and itself into debris in World War II, chose a way full of competition between free and independent enterprises, with proper policies to guide. This undoubtedly contributed greatly to Japan’s prominent take-off and rise in the global economy. Without the reform around 1980s, China may never overtake Japan and would fall in danger of repeat of the terrible aggression.

Competition, or rather to say, the mechanism and climate for competition, can expose the loss caused by inertia by returning the responsibility and concern to where it should be. Low income, bankrupt, unemployment and so on, are created not by competition but by those who, captured by inertia, deserve them. While others who manage to forge ahead in competition, will survive and thrive. Resources, always limited and relatively scarce, will be utilized in more and more efficient

and beneficial ways by winners of competition. And society as a whole benefits much more than it suffers.

好文章我想我不应该错过哦 :D 进入正题

I suggest first analyzing where these advantages and disadvantages come from. 这句话我没看懂？where... come from是什么？

whose status and change 这个change感觉不太爽，如果是什么evolution之类的词也许好一点（但是evolution好像也不准确）

are not exceptions 应该是are no exceptions？

Competition is everywhere in the world. 这里用is everywhere恐怕不合适？

It can never be avoided or even eliminated. 这个递进关系？我觉得even的话不如用not to mention，总觉得用even的前后关系就变味儿了

this means two things. 这里建议和后面衔接再smooth一些

get inertial 动词用get是否合适（become？），inertial这个形容词我不能肯定，我自己没用过。

when his circumstance comes to [??] 这个come to 的确有问题，改成subject to 突变？还有尽量不要通篇his，sexist language能避免还是尽量避免，少用一点吧。

Without the reform around 1980s, China may never overtake Japan and would fall in danger of repeat of the terrible aggression. 这个结论离你的论据有点远了。前面一直在说中国不如日本，怎么结尾突然就中国超过去了？！中间肯定省东西了，而你省略掉的东西和你的主题其实关系不大，中国怎么超过日本的和你要论述competition没太大关系。索性你的结论就落在197x年中国远远落后算了。这一点在将来的写作中也要注意，例子的相关性！以及前后论述结论的一致性。

1 “I suggest first analyzing where these advantages and disadvantages come from. ”中的“advantages and disadvantages”指的是前半句的“the benefits and the damages ”，可能又犯了错误。我写的时候指觉得它们两对是一致的，而忘了其实意思是不同的。另外，不知有没有“suggest doing”的用法。好像没有，忘了标[??]。

2 改成“Every ...whose present status and futrue trend are beyond its control.”如何？

3 “Our civilizations and we humans are no exceptions.”用“no”是强调么？“not”在语法上也说得通吧？

4 “Competition is everywhere in the world.”只是我个人见解，倒与英文表达无关，我真的是这样认为的。

5 “avoided or even eliminated”用得的确不好，“avoided, not to mention eliminated”更合适。 6 “two things”后一段开头就是“One thing is that...”，还不smooth？或者应在“two things”后加

“as follows”？

7 “get inertial”中“get”就是become的意思。正因为“get”像“have”一般有灵活的语义，我才喜欢用它们，——如果找不到或不值得琢磨更贴切的词的话。inertial和inertia是个很有用的词，比如psychological inertia，是在“创新学”TRIZ中的基础概念。

8 我是反对性别歧视的，以前也常常写“his/her”之类，不愿忽视女性，但有时这样实在太罗嗦，不得以忍痛用his以偏概全。毕竟man和mankind还在指整个人类。

9 中间一段的确过于肥大，全文到很像一条鱼。没控制住。我的事例论证的能力还不足，而且有娓娓道来的倾向，以为读者都像我一样喜欢寻根究底（所以连Scale Effect都写了）。 issue2 最近连续好几个人都写这个题目，我去testmagic找了一篇过来，大家参考 http://www.testmagic.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1941

Topic: 2. \"Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society.\"

(by AmigoRo from www.testmagic.com)

Darwin suggested that the process of evolution is one based on competition. This deadly competition weeds out the weak and only the fittest of the species survives. Humans, being the product of millions of years of evolution, are by nature, competitive beings. Yet, humans are also social beings. Like the bees in the hive, we are not very successful living completely on our own. We need to cooperate with other individuals for our survival. Thus, a conflict ensues, between our innate competitiveness, and our need to cooperate. There are pros and cons associated with both. However, it is my belief that overall, competition, is more detrimental than beneficial to human society.

First, let us try to identify why there is competition in the first place. In an environment abundant with resources, where supply outstrips demand, there is very little need for the inhabitants to fight with each other over them. This is not the case on planet earth. Resources are limited, and there is constant jostling to get to the front of the queue to get acquire them. For example, thousands of prospective students apply to gain entrance to top universities around the world, but there are only a handful of places in those universities. Thus, there is competition to get into to these hallowed institutions of higher learning.

From a utilitarian perspective, competition is a good thing. In evolution it is responsible for the elimination of \"weak\" genes. In the business environment, it gets rid of the weaker players. In politics, it weeds out unpopular candidates. In academia, it gets rid of weak students.

Furthermore, competition leads to self improvement. Businesses will strive to offer better products and services at lesser prices. The consumer reaps rich rewards from this competitive spirit. Politicians strive to do the utmost for the people, so they would get reelected. Students excel in there studies, trying to outdo each other.

Thus, ostensibly, competition is responsible for the betterment of the society as a whole. However, this is just the superficial view. Underneath the surface, competition, in every aspect, is slowly eating away at the very fabric of the society.

While it is true to say that competition in corporate world has brought great benefits to the consumer, the society as \"Missed A here\"whole is playing a great price for it. Most businesses are exploiting cheap labour in the third world to maximise their profits. There are thousands of sweatshops run by well known western corporations in countries like Indonesia, Bangladesh and China. People are forced to work in squalid conditions, often 16 hours a day. They are lucky to receive a dollar a day for there labours. The moment a government in any of these countries try to improve the working conditions of the employees, these multinational giants flee the country, often leaving whole communities facing financial ruin. The corporations are aware that there are plenty of other labour markets that could be exploited with gay abandon.

That is just the human cost. What about the environmental costs? Competition has forced many corporations to \"stream line\" their operations. Environmental standards are normally the first victims of this \"stream line\" process. A significant amount of environmental pollution and land degradation has been blamed on industry, yet the factories keep producing more and more. Thousands of items go unsold each year due to competition. Only a fraction of this merchandise is recycled. The rest goes to the already overflowing landfills.

In politics, the detrimental effects of competition are blatant. Politicians often resort to popular yet socially damaging policies to gain votes. These measures include imprudent spending to rabble rousing. The current volatility in Israel and Palestine, the ethnic conflict in Sri Lanka, and the famine in Zimbabwe are all, at least partially, problems created by politicians to get elected.

It has been said that education is one sphere where competition has always had a beneficial influence. Even this claim is dubious. Due to competition students are less likely to exchange ideas with one another, thus enriching the student population as whole. Furthermore, competition drives students to study well to pass exams, but not to gain wisdom. Students spend many hours preparing for standardised tests; tests which many believe are inherently flawed. Thus, it is often not the most intellectual student who succeeds, but the most competitive.

Competition is an inborn human trait. It has some positive qualities, but overall, it does far more harm than help to the society. As intelligent beings, humans can transcend their evolutionary weaknesses. Thus, humans should rely less competition and more cooperation for the sake of the society

Comment by Sri from testmagic

Amigo, but for the small errors that I marked, this one is for sure a great essay, The only flaw I noticed that u made time and again is the usage of THERE for THEIR. And now as far as the structure goes, I personally liked it..U discussed the pros and cons of every issue with the help of reasonable examples. Content is good too. If u follow the same pattern u can surely hit the bull's eye. I guess this is the same structure that the 6 point essay in PPI followed. Hope this helps and Good luck with your test.

issue3 请大家拍砖！（imong批注：优秀习作哦）

3. \"It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.\"

与其花钱进行可能有助于后代的长期性研究，还不如把钱花在迫在眉睫，已经存在的社会问题上。

In this contradictory era of pleasure and pain, loyalty and treachery, joy of life and fear of future, which arise a considerable of problems government has been bored by. No matter how serious and urgent one aspect turns out to be in a certain period, government is supposed to call for a balance between allocating money for immediate problems and spending it on long-term research when making budget.

If not, citizens may feel under peril and lose confidence to the ruling class. As a result, for saving money, the government is bogged down in Sargasso Sea of troubles.

Nonetheless, the governors are not born only for today’s people. That is to say, another significant and meaningful responsibility of government is to try its best to supply our posterity a society that consists of people who are well educated and obtain a desirable job or career, less juvenile crime and drug, and stable economy. As H.W.Beecher pointed, “We should so live and labor in our time that what came to us as seed may go to the next generation as blossom, and what came to us as blossom may go to them as fruit. This is what we mean by progress.”

forwards”, said by Kierkergaard. The phrase “be lived forwards” here, in this case, means digging out the profit in future, the same as futures. Although no one knows whether or not the future is in concord with what we expect, we still could invest in it based on a pile of wide investigation and a cogent demonstration rather than a gambling.

Simply put, without spending money on immediate and existing social problems, our society cannot keep flourish and robust. Without investing on so many long-term researches, we will live no guarantees and aimless. Therefore, to ensure the stability and health as well as lasting development of our society, spending money on immediate social problems and investing on long-term researches weigh the same.

3. \"It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.\" 与其花钱进行可能有助于后代的长期性研究，还不如把钱花在迫在眉睫，已经存在的社会问题上。

In this contradictory era of pleasure and pain, loyalty and treachery, joy of life and fear of future, which arise（give rise to） a considerable （少了个number?）of problems government has been bored by. No matter how serious and urgent one aspect turns out to be in a certain period, government is supposed to call for a balance between allocating money for immediate problems and spending it on long-term research when making budget. 开头不错！直白入题而又不失精彩。

To be responsible for current citizens, government should solve those existing social problems, such as unemployment, illiteracy, and social crimes, in order to oil the social machine. To some extent, increasing the amount of jobs may get more benefit than itself（get…itself? 表达的不是很清楚）, because it is a way to release social pressure and dissatisfaction of those unemployed （workers多余，能省则省） who may eventually become a ticklish factor(前边还是those呢，单复数！) to（to?）society. Additionally, illiteracy is to society as the shortest baffle is to a cask. And it could do nothing but lengthen the shortest baffle to the same length as the other baffles if more water is supposed to be poured in this cask.(没看懂，是不是瓶颈的意思？) As a malignant tumor（用词不错！）, social crimes do harm to the economy and security of our society and, in some cases, is a potential fuse（这里用名词fuse倒不如什么potentially destructive/detrimental之类的，形容词反倒更加直接形象了） especially when there is an（an --> some） internal or external opposition to the government,（这里要另起一句） so, to keep society stabilized and booming,（to maintain a …. society） government has to pay more attention to social crimes. 中文构思的时候想到的是“为了维护…所以要…”但是英文没必要按照这个语序的！完全可以So government must …. so as to … 行文就更加紧凑了。

If not, citizens may feel under peril and lose confidence to the ruling class. As a result, for(我觉得这里要用though而不是for，意思上差别很大) saving money, the government is（will be） bogged down in Sargasso Sea of troubles.

Nonetheless, the governors are not born only for today’s people（today’s people --> the

contemporaries）. That is to say, another significant and meaningful responsibility of government is to try its best to supply our posterity a society that consists of people who are well educated and obtain a desirable job or career, less juvenile crime and drug, and stable economy.（这个句子写得有点怪，不过没有原则性错误） As H.W.Beecher pointed, “We should so live and labor in our time that what came to us as seed may go to the next generation as blossom, and what came to us as blossom may go to them as fruit. This is what we mean by progress.”

It is true that long-term research could not give out(give out?) an immediate value, for example, how to afforest a wasteland, but we shouldn’t be so narrow foci and misprize the real value normally coming up in about decades or more. “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards”, said by Kierkergaard. The phrase “be lived forwards” here, in this case, means digging out the profit in future, the same as futures. Although no one knows whether or not the future is in concord with what we expect, we still could invest in it based on a pile of wide investigation and a cogent demonstration rather than a gambling.

Simply put, without spending money on immediate and existing social problems, our society cannot keep flourish (flourishing) and robust. Without investing on so many long-term researches, we will live no guarantees and aimless(?). Therefore, to ensure the stability and health as well as lasting development of our society, spending money on immediate social problems and investing on long-term researches weigh the same.

这是我这几天以来看到的，可以说最好的一篇文章了。立意立在了balance上面，通篇模仿specialist/generalist的风格，而且模仿得相当成功。用词基本上准确，行文平和而一气呵成。力度上可能不及一边倒的文章，不过我觉得应该至少是5分之作了。

提出几点问题：写句子的时候注意语序的组织，并且尽量保持紧凑；用词尽量要简练，保持精确就可以了。最后一点的keep flourish似乎是词性不对，live no guarantees and aimless 可能词性上有问题，并且违反了平行的原则。开头的arise的话，一般都是problem arise，暂时并没有见过arise problem的用法。克服掉小问题。

issue2 最近连续好几个人都写这个题目，我去testmagic找了一篇过来，大家参考 http://www.testmagic.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1941

Topic: 2. \"Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society.\"

(by AmigoRo from www.testmagic.com)

society.

recycled. The rest goes to the already overflowing landfills.

Comment by Sri from testmagic

issue3 请大家拍砖！（imong批注：优秀习作哦） 3. \"It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.\"

与其花钱进行可能有助于后代的长期性研究，还不如把钱花在迫在眉睫，已经存在的社会问题上。

To be responsible for current citizens, government should solve those existing social problems, such as unemployment, illiteracy, and social crimes, in order to oil the social machine. To some

extent, increasing the amount of jobs may get more benefit than itself, because it is a way to release social pressure and dissatisfaction of those unemployed workers who may eventually become a ticklish factor to society. Additionally, illiteracy is to society as the shortest baffle is to a cask. And it could do nothing but lengthen the shortest baffle to the same length as the other baffles if more water is supposed to be poured in this cask. As a malignant tumor, social crimes do harm to the economy and security of our society and, in some cases, is a potential fuse especially when there is an internal or external opposition to the government, so, to keep society stabilized and booming, government has to pay more attention to social crimes.

If not, citizens may feel under peril and lose confidence to the ruling class. As a result, for saving money, the government is bogged down in Sargasso Sea of troubles.

It is true that long-term research could not give out an immediate value, for example, how to afforest a wasteland, but we shouldn’t be so narrow foci and misprize the real value normally coming up in about decades or more. “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards”, said by Kierkergaard. The phrase “be lived forwards” here, in this case, means digging out the profit in future, the same as futures. Although no one knows whether or not the future is in concord with what we expect, we still could invest in it based on a pile of wide investigation and a cogent demonstration rather than a gambling.

Nonetheless, the governors are not born only for today’s people（today’s people --> the contemporaries）. That is to say, another significant and meaningful responsibility of government is to try its best to supply our posterity a society that consists of people who are well educated and obtain a desirable job or career, less juvenile crime and drug, and stable economy.（这个句子写得有点怪，不过没有原则性错误） As H.W.Beecher pointed, “We should so live and labor in our time that what came to us as seed may go to the next generation as blossom, and what came to us as blossom may go to them as fruit. This is what we mean by progress.”

issue3 优秀习作欣赏：花钱在当前问题上还是在长远研究上

Issue 3. \"It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.\"

Syllabus:

We need a balance between the two problems.

1, the long-term research provides guidance and weapons for dealing with immediate problems. 2 overemphasizing immediate social problems would result in the damage of not only the future generations but also the current people

3, paying attention to immediate problems is necessary and important.

Just as a famous entrepreneur has said, the key for success is to plan for next day, our society as a whole must also carefully allocate enough social and natural resources into the long-term research that might help future generations while it is absorbed in all kinds of immediate, existing social problems.

First of all, the long-term research on some far-reaching scientific and social problems, as is well known in science, even if only a small part of which could come up to success, will provide humanity with illuminable guidance and powerful weapons in tackling the immediate, existing problems. Without the great breakthrough of scientists’ long-term researches on medicines, for instance, how could our mankind successfully annihilate numerous fatal epidemics such as leprosy, cholera, and smallpox and gradually attain the level of over 60 years in life expectancy? Without Newton’s great accomplishments in mechanics, could humanity invent so many practical instruments and apparatuses that had brought us more favorable and more convenient lives?

Moreover, on contrary to what most people would expect, not only the future generations but also the current people will also undergo a great loss under many circumstances if we overemphasize the immediate social problems and fail to make provident research and take precautious measures over the long-term social problems. There is an illustrating example occurred in China recently. Since the 1978, China has been constantly emphasizing the paramount importance of economic construction and simply regarding any other long-term things including the sanitation as auxiliary. Under the direction of this policy, China has put almost all her resources into economic construction, with the result that economic growth attained the rate of nearly 10% every year, but the development of public sanitation declined rapidly. More seriously, nobody perceived the dangers of this policy in China until the spring of 2003, when a new fatal epidemic, SARS, first burst out in Gudong province and soon spread into the H.K., Beijing and later all over the world. Suffering from the backward sanitary system characteristic of sluggish reactions and shortage of hospitals, doctors, nurses and other facilities, China quickly bogged down into unutterably disarrangement and many people lost their lives. This SARS event vividly illustrates what will

happen to both the future and the current if we neglect the long-term social problems and fail to take provident measures.

Of course, when we highlight the importance of provident research about basic science and long run social problems, we must admit that our society should allocate a very large amount of resources into resolving the immediate, existing social problems. There are primarily two reasons for it: first, the immediate problems are always highly related to the long-term research. For example, out of the short-term economic motives, many automobiles manufacturers are devoted into the innovations on oil-saving products. Undoubtedly, these immediate innovations added together will gradually bring about the revolutionary breakthrough in dealing with long-term problems such as energy shortage and environment contaminations. Secondly, many immediate social problems have developed to such an extent that the interests of the human race would be severely endangered if we failed to undertake strong and effective measures. For instance, the terrorism has approved to be the prime menace to the mankind after the 9.11 event occurred in the U.S. in 2001. If governments through the world did not take powerful measures, terrorists would have destroyed the whole life of human. Therefore, sometimes putting resources into resolving immediate problems is not something whether we should do, but something that we must do if we hope to live safely and comfortably.

In sum, despite the great necessity and importance of concerns with the immediate social problems, the long-term research about basic science and some far-reaching social problems should not also be neglected and the appropriate means is to keep a deliberate balance between them.

非常好的文章但我不知道打几分 (正在看薯蛋的分析每日一评非常棒)

很赞成这种 balance 分析模式这种题目都该这么干吧

SARS的那一段非常好估计老美会喜欢 SARS值得认真准备一下可以用到其他地方比如是否要 withdraw information

仍然有一些值得讨论的地方:

我觉得第一段就表明balance的立场

象 ETS 那篇关于通才和专才的 6分例文的开头一样

第二段 Newton的例子我觉得不合适不清楚牛顿的研究是不是耗费了很多社会资源?

不管怎么样这是一篇好文章

请版主高人做进一步分析

BTW:

谁告诉我怎么评分

ISSUE4 我写作文不限时，限时只限高频题。^_^，谢谢大家帮忙～～

TOPIC: ISSUE4 - \"No field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study.\" WORDS: 597 TIME: 0:45:00 DATE: 2007-4-13

Nowadays quite lot fields of studies develop quickly due to the juxtaposition. Perhaps the produce of some significant advances in those fields attributes to the outsiders. However, this does not mean that outsider’s knowledge and experience is the necessary condition for the prosperity of a subject study as the author asserts.

Admittedly, borrowing knowledge and experience from other fields of study has indeed triggered significant breakthrough in many subjects. Quite a few scientific subjects like biochemistry, economics, astronomy, are undoubtedly the hybrids of subjects originally thought far distant from one another. Among these subjects, the changing of the astronomy is a successful example for applying the small amplifying tubes which used on chemistry to telescope inventing. As we all know, since that Copernicus raised the Copernican system, the astronomy develops slowly because of no useful equipment for seeing the sky. Then, a clever inventor used the amplifying tube which was a device for doing experiments to make out the telescope which was a changing point of the astronomy. Thanks to the cross field studying of that inventor, the progress of astronomy can be advanced so much for that today people have already embark on the moon. So, it is one of the wise ways to borrow the knowledge and experience from other fields when your own study is impeded.

However, though it is wise sometime to learn from other's experience and knowledge, this does not stand that it has necessity to import from outsiders in order to make great progress in one’s own field. On one aspect, juxtaposition in some certain fields is not feasible, for example the physics and math, they are quite difficult to mix with other sciences, because they themselves are completed system which are the basis of quite a lot other fields. For instance, it is Newton himself discover the law of gravity which caused the great development in the process of physics. On the other hand, if the great breakthroughs in all fields of study must rely on the knowledge and experience from outsiders, are there still quite a lot of people donate their whole life in solving a problem. For example, the honored mathematician called \"chenjinrun\" who donated his whole life in solving the GOLDBACH’S CONJECTURE. However, such a puzzle was unknown till he died. If as the author recommends, Mr. Chen should wait for the materials from other fields. However, there were no useful information from other fields to such a puzzle, only left to do was making effort to research in his field. So bringing from outsiders is not the necessary condition for the breakthrough.

Finally, as the factor contributing to an academic subjects' significant growth, they include many apart from sharing the outsiders’ intelligence, such as the long-term academic accumulation, the appropriate social and economic support, the good-timing birth of geniuses and so on. All these factors can also bring the subject study breakthrough amounts to not only rely on the suggestion as the author asserts. For example, as the America emphasis on all fields study, so the government supplies great number of money on research every year, which gives the people in that field quite

a lot confidence. With the result that so many noble prize winner are American establishes that the importance of finance support.

All in all, analyzing the elements to the advance of subject, we should consider many factors rather than only focus on one important element. In my opinion, significant progress in ones field attributes to the mutual function of every related factor. Only bringing from others is wise sometime but not always.

Issue4 【0706G－LOVEAW小组】第十八次作业 by iq28 最后一次作业写的很糟糕

TOPIC: ISSUE4 - \"No field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study.\"

WORDS: 4 TIME: 0:40:00 DATE: 2007-3-6

The study of a certain field will usually be entangled in a deadlock when it has developed to a comparatively high level, for the situation becomes more and more intricate and narrow as the field progresses. At such times, the knowledge and experience brought about by people who was not in the certain circle always inspire this field.

As a subject or an industry has solved myriad problems which are previously extant and serious, it always loss its goal and feels confused which area should itself devote to, just as it did in the software industry. In the 1970s, the software had begun to suffer from a severe predicament. Although the industry had already made complex codes, which can solve the problems in natural science, army, and so forth, and are already nearly to the extreme of human, it still could not serve the society problems at a systematic level. At such time, the accomplishment of the management and information had been introduced to the software industry, which cultivated the whole industry's conception and then successfully guided it get out of the deadlock. Consequentially, the software nowadays can provide much wider services which nearly cover every field of our daily life at a systematic level, than it could in the 1970s. It is not difficult to imagine that, without the introduction of the management and information technology, the software industry cannot stand at a higher status to view what they could do for the whole society, and thus the indispensable progress can hardly been made. As a certain industry becomes mature, its potential always cannot be easily unearthed by the members who are confined in the field, usually with the help provided by experts from other fields can they find their way to progress.

In terms of art or literature, such assertion is still correct. The spirits of nearly every field of art are the same--to express the emotion of the author of masterpieces. Jicai Feng, a Chinese writer, once said that he really understands the inner and profound significance of novels only after he began to learn painting. In his opinion, when he is painting, he can experience the spirit and thought of the people from another angel--the visual, which is totally different from the literal one. Though the methods are different, these two can both reveal the inner thoughts of people. From the experiences of being a painter, Jicai Feng has broadened his horizon which significantly inspires

his potential ability on writing. Such evidence can be easily found in art field.

Admittedly, too much outside information invaded a certain area can prohibit this area from concentrating to its own issues or problems. For those physical scientists, like Einstein, Feynman and Hawking, they simply can utilize their imagination to reveal the hidden regulations of the miraculous world and then establish the abstract theory alone, without any help from other field, for their study can hardly be related with other subjects. In such cases, information from other is actually troubling them rather than provide them any help.

In summary, the author's assertion is generally reasonable and should be accepted by nearly all the members of a certain field, except for those who are in the circle which are separated too seriously with other fields.

Issue6 文化类，请多指教！

Issue6 \"The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze

the trends of its youth.\"

After careful and objective analysis about the issue that whether it is effective to understand contemporary culture of a nation through analyzing the trends of its youth, I would like to present a position partly contradicting the author's. Indubitably, the culture of the youth makes up a subculture of the temporary culture. However, in my opinion, we cannot ignore another fact that the youth is only a small

fraction of the society and fail to represent it.

Firstly, it is a effective way to understand some parts of the contemporary culture through analyzing the trends of its youth, from whom some typical characteristic of the culture will be better conveyed. The youth is the future of a nation and full of passion and vitality. Studying their action will be helpful for us to comprehend some parts of the culture better. For example, China is called the nation of table-tennis for the outstanding performance of its table-tennis plays in all levels of matches and its people's great fervor in playing it. In china, it is common to see people playing table-tennis, however most of them are young people who are always active and energetic. So to say, It is mainly through the youth can we form the idea that table-tennis is popular in china, and china is worthy of the name of nation of table-tennis. Therefore, it is efficient to comprehend certain aspects

of a culture by researching the action of its youth.

Secondly, the youth are always ready to accept new things and therefore apt to be influenced by foreign culture, it is sensible for us to observe the youth to know

the new traits of a culture. With the multinational cooperation and

intercommunication in many fields goes forwards, the culture of different nations are interacting increasingly, which give birth to the so-called multicuture and infuse new content to a nation's indigenous culture. In this situation, the youth have more access to foreign cultures than ever before and are more easily affected by it than people of other age group and then bear the characteristic of both the indigenous an foreign culture. Nowadays, in China, it is ordinary to see the youth coloring his hair or wearing strange clothes, both of which are not acceptable in the past but now are representative of the current vogue caused by the effect of foreign culture. The youth is so adventurous and unconventional a group that they always represent the crest of temporary culture. Consequently, we can get the new

traits of a culture through the observation of the youth.

Finally, however, we must make it clear that only study the trends of its youth is far from enough to have a full knowledge of the contemporary culture of a nation, which needs an overall analysis in the traits of people of different age. It is obvious that the habits, hobbies and the like of the youth differs so greatly from that of the old that the action of people of different age group can reveal different aspects of a culture. We can see the truth of my view from our daily experience. The old tend to lead a regular life, and like to participate some moderate games; however, the youth always enjoy a life somewhat irregular, without a constant time to sleep or get up, and prefer to do something new and exciting. Therefore, we have to make a comprehensive observation to both the old and the youth to acquire a general

idea of a culture, due to their different life styles.

To sum up, I partly consent to the author's statement with some reservation, through the discussion mentioned above, we can easily reach the conclusion that studying the trends of the youth can help us to comprehend some parts of a culture better, and to understand some parts of a culture featuring the youth, however, only through a comprehensive study covering people of all age can we really know the temporary

culture of a nation.

写得还不错呢！

However, in my opinion, we cannot ignore another fact that the youth is only a small fraction of the society and fail to represent it. 按理说这里是点明你的position的关键，可是这个表达似乎有点问题哦？不平行还是不搭配？

第一段里面In china, it is common to see people playing table-tennis, however most of them are young people who are always active and energetic.这个however有点诡异，后面的话It is mainly through the youth can we form the idea that table-tennis is popular in china,这里我觉得例证的backup需要加强。感觉不是很舒服。

第二个body我觉得more easily influenced可能稍微再交待一点儿会更舒服一些，而你的ts在于从youth得到关于潮流的信息，看看整个段落能不能更加集中一些。

其实关于comprehensive和effective不知道是不是稍微再交待一下好一些，不过我觉得目前这样也还可以。

Issue7 的6分范文,大家来看看

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - \"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than

written records.\"

There have been many methods of documenting in the history of human, from carved ancient pottery to sheepskin documents, of which the video camera may be the newest form with certain superiorities and inferiorities to written records. The advantages of video camera certainly make it an important form of documentation, but not to the extent of being more essential than written records due to its

disadvantages.

To begin with, video can be interpreted as a series of pictures associated along the time, while written records can be considered as the descriptions of these pictures. Therefore, it is undoubtedly that video contains much more information than that of written records. From a video, we can clearly know what happened with subtle details. Merely with a television set, we can easily watch the happenings at home, such as the Olympic Games, comfortably sitting on the sofa, needless to be present on the spot. And more excitedly, certain close-up enables us to scrutinize our favorable athletes. If there isn't video camera, we may be unable to enjoy such

activities unless we can afford time and expense to be on the spot. While it is true that we can also be acquainted with the circumstances through newspaper or other media, however, the written record may be unable to present them as accurate as video. The imagination from the reports, however detailed, dooms to be imaginary, by all means different from the real circumstance, which video can represent. Moreover, the written records may contain some mistakes due to the carelessness or injustice of its reporters, while the video may be more accurate and convincing.

Another strongpoint of video is that it can be perceived simply by visual signals, from which people mainly get information in their daily lives, and therefore this method is more natural than written records. Everyone, ranging from a babbling child to an old grandpa, is able to get some information from the video just as they do during their daily lives, regardless of their literate ability. While the written record, no matter how easily it is represented, requires literacy of its readers, and a newspaper or book means nothing to an illiterate person. In addition, video is much easier to comprehend for people all over the world. For instance, an American can grasp nothing about a story written in Chinese unless s/he has learnt such a foreign language. However, s/he can absolutely understand something about a video recorded in China, although s/he may be confused with the language spoken in the

video.

While video is certainly not superior to written recorders in all aspects, its limitations determine that the written record will not be replaced at least at present. The first disadvantage of video is that it is much more inconvenient and expensive. Video must be recorded on the spot, namely, when an event happens to you, you cannot record it unless you have a camera at hand. However, even though you haven’t paper and pencil either, you are still able to recall it to record based on your remembrance. Therefore, for those who can't afford a handy camera or who are unwilling to bring it anytime anywhere, the written records may be the easiest form available. Further, another weakness of video is that its cost is too

high and its correspondingly high-quality record may be beyond people's requirement. The cost of making a written report is much less than that of manipulating a video. Also, every morning we may browse a newspaper to know what happened throughout the world, and the simple report, which may only consume us a few seconds, meets our needs of curiosity; we needn't the accuracy and vividness

of video, which may be more time-consuming.

It is fortunate for us to own video as a supplementary kind of documentation. With a video camera, we can record important events in our lives, such as the weeding or birthday party. However, it is impossible to record everything happening around us, yet we can record them in our diaries. In a word, both the video camera and

the written records are irreplaceable forms of documentation, and their supplementation serves better than any one of the documentation method alone.

Issue7 第四次作业

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - \"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written

records.\"

WORDS: 601 TIME: 0:44:30 DATE: 2007-2-14

There is no denying that video camera provides us with more accurate and convincing records than written records due to the development of the technology. However, this is not equal with that written records do not have their situations in today's life. In many cases, both methods of the video camera and written records are indispensable.

I will discuss my viewpoint in the following details.

Video camera can provide accurate record of what is happening in a sports game, a debate meeting or even on the field of battle. The vivid records bring the audiences great shock with pictures, movies and sound, which can exactly describe every situation and movement of the present, while written method can hardly supply even one of them only with words. The convenience made by the camera results from technology has changed the daily life of people greatly. Moreover, video camera can always bring us immediate information through a live report, while written words always have to be first directed, and then printed, finally when they reach the hands of people it may be hours or even days after the things have occurred. Who nowadays would like to still be unaware of the results of Rockets v.s Lakers until the newspaper has come while others have already enjoyed the whole game on a TV-set? As for these reasons, Televisions take the place of newspapers or other paper-based medium and become the first choice of people with

which they know what is happening around them and around the world.

Also, when it comes to the field of anti-crime, camera usually plays a vital role in providing reliable evidence against crime, which had helped the police and justice a lot. Unlike written materials, records from a video camera cannot lie, they are entirely objective and true, which either of which those characters is needed in the court. The born of video camera even reduce the crime rate for those who are likely to break the law must consider that there may be a video camera hidden in a certain corner that will

exactly record what they have done.

However, the advantages owned by the video camera do not necessary mean that written records are of no use. On the contrary, written words, the traditional method of record, are still essential in our daily life. We cannot emphasis the superior of the camera too much, but if there is no camera-set, or the majority of audience are unable to afford a TV-set, just as the case in most part of Africa, the significance of the written methods

can be seen.

Even if the equipment is available, the written materials still have their own advantages. The written words are the summary of the writer's thoughts and therefore are usually abstract and terse, direct to the result, which can save the readers a lot of time, especially when they are for the learners and scholars who have high level of understanding in universities or research centers. In the realm of art, words are generally considered as the best way to express the emotion of the masters. The words, unlike the video camera, leave the readers a space to imagine by themselves. It is indirect but not direct that arts pursue, so the written methods are better fit in this

field than video camera.

In summary, video camera are accurate, convincing and timely, while written records are terse, abstract, indirect and also have a low requirement of the hardware. To utilize those advantages of them to serve us, we should treat them equally, but not undue emphasis

either one of them.

There is no denying(denial) that video camera provides us with more accurate and convincing records than written records due to the development of the(可以去掉) technology. However, this is not equal with(to) that written records do not have their situations in today's life. In many cases, both methods of the video camera and written records are indispensable. I will discuss my viewpoint in the following details.

Video camera can provide accurate record(records) of what is happening in a sports game, a debate meeting or even on the field of battle. The vivid records bring the audiences great shock with pictures, movies and sound, which can exactly describe every situation and movement of the present, while written method(methods) can hardly supply even one of them only with words. The convenience made (brought about) by the camera results(resulting) from technology has changed the daily life of people greatly.(这一具往后面放一点会比较好，或者放在moreover后面，因为前面说改变人们生活说得比较少，这句话作为总结放在这里不太恰当） Moreover, video camera can always bring us immediate information through a live report, while written words always have to be first directed, and then printed, finally when they reach the hands of people it may be hours or even days after the things have occurred. Who nowadays would like to still be unaware of the results of Rockets v.s Lakers until the newspaper has come while others have already enjoyed the whole game on a TV-set? As for these reasons, Televisions take the place of newspapers or other paper-based medium and become the first choice of people with which they know what is happening around them and around the world immediately.

Also, when it comes to the field of anti-crime, camera usually plays a vital role in providing reliable evidence against crime, which had(has) helped the police and justice a lot. Unlike written materials, records from a video camera cannot lie, they are entirely objective and true, which either of which those characters is needed in the court.( with the characters of objectivity and authenticy, either of which is needed in the court后面那句which either of which those characters is needed in the court有严重的语法错误,第一个which是多打了八，第二个which，后面是不能够接完整的句子的) The born of video camera even reduce the crime rate for those who are likely to break the law must consider that there may be a video camera hidden in a certain corner that（which前面用了换一换) will exactly record what they have done.

However, the advantages owned by the video camera do not necessary mean that written records are of no use. On the contrary, written words, the traditional method of record, are still essential in our daily life. We cannot emphasis the superior of the camera too much, but(in that转折在这里不太对) if there is no camera-set, or the majority of audience are unable to afford a TV-set, just as the case in most part of Africa, the significance of the written methods can be seen.

Even if the equipment is available, the written materials still have their own advantages. The written words are the summary of the writer's thoughts and therefore are usually abstract and terse, direct to the result, which can save the readers a lot of time, especially when they are for the learners and scholars who have high level of understanding in universities or research centers（后面这个in 这块有点怪，). In the realm of art, words are generally considered as the best way to express the emotion of the masters. The words, unlike the video camera, leave the readers a space to imagine by themselves. It is indirect but not direct that arts pursue,(?) so the written methods are better fit in this field than video camera.

论证思路很清楚，有新意，且深度也不错。语言虽然不华丽，但是很简洁，

一个小小的意见，不知道是限时的原因还是什么，要多注意语法问题

issue9 大家斧正，谢谢！

Issue 9: Academic disciplines have become so specialized in recent years that scholars’ ideas reach only a narrow audience. Until scholars can reach a wider

audience, their ideas will have little use.

Although academic disciplines have become so specialized in recent years, scholars' ideas can still reach a wide audience by the advantage of the knowledge structure. We can simply put that it is the human beings' knowledge structure that makes it possible for a scholar's ideas in his specialized discipline to reach a

much wider audiences who don't necessarily belong to his own discipline.

The reason why I draw this conclusion will be illustrated by recalling the process

of social evolution.

During the passed centuries, the social economy has been greatly boosted by the revolutions in science and technology, which in turn increases the width and depth of academic disciplines to solve unencountered and more complex problems arising in the new situations. To solve new problems, we probably need new methods. That will undoubtedly calls for invention of new ideas, which will certainly adds to human beings' knowledge. Thus with the progress of science and technology, more and more knowledge will be added to the old system. A new problem will come: how the newly obtained knowledge is organized. This problem will be clear when we make classification of the new knowledge according to the old knowledge system. If there is content of the newly-get that doesn't properly belong to any sort of the old system, it means a new discipline will emerge. But could we just assert that the newly formed discipline doesn't possess any relationship with any of the old ones? Certainly not. This is because the new knowledge is obtained through the old methods, which obviously means the new knowledge do have some connections with some old

disciplines, otherwise I am quite sure we could not find it!

From the above, we can easily reach the conclusion that every academic discipline

has certain relationships with some other ones. The structure of human's knowledge is just like the complexity of a net! And also it is a natural trend that academic

disciplines become more and more specialized.

With the depositing and specializing process of knowledge, it causes humans to accommodate themselves to this situation. Because the God gives every person a limited time and energy, it is necessary for a person, who wants to make progress in his discipline, to adjust his knowledge structure to adapt to his research domain, that is to say, to be more devoted to his own research area. On the other hand, if he cares too much for unrelated or less related area, he will probably not be able to bring innovation to his main academic discipline. Simply put, we almost cannot find a man who constructs the Theory of Relativity and in the mean time composes symphony like Mozart's! So we can say every scholar must be more devoted to his own discipline than to others, but a wider knowledge of other disciplines

sometimes involuntarily invokes sparks of new ideas.

The structure of human knowledge is just like the complexity of a net, which means various disciplines have interconnections and a progress in one will undoubtedly bring changes to some others, which is because scholars belonging to related areas will probably get useful implication from progress happened in this one. And with this similar process going further, innovations may occur in several other disciplines, which will even bring forth new disciplines. It is obvious that scholars' ideas can reach a wide audience by the advantage of the knowledge structure

without necessarily reaching wider audiences directly.

文章很流畅，我看不出更多什么shortcoming.

So we can say every scholar must be more devoted to his own discipline than to others, but a wider knowledge of other disciplines sometimes involuntarily invokes sparks of new ideas. （but 之后似乎与本段不一致，最好一致，这样才reason strongly.）

which is because scholars belonging to related areas will probably get useful implication from progress happened ( 去掉更好吧！)in this one.

整篇文章似乎在说不同的领域互相联系，但题目好象是说研究的方向是应该面向大众的眼前利益还是科学的长远利益。

Issue11 12月高强组周五作业/同主题写作

TOPIC: ISSUE11 - \"All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most

persistent social problems.\"

WORDS: 826 TIME: 0:45:00 DATE: 2006-12-8

A global university, considered as absorbing foreign students and faculty, cooperating with foreign universities and facing a highly globalized view, is recently being accepted and desired by more and more countries, since it can concentrate the world's

most talent intellectuals, so as to gain different perspectives and successful experiences. On the other hand, nowadays world is facing diversified social problems,

including poverty, economical reform, terrorism, multi-media globalization, environmental problems and so forth, many of which are interacted between elements separated in different nations, therefore asking for a global sight to analyze and solve.

In these senses, I think it will serve many nations' interests to develop a global university to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent

social problems.

Universities are born to provide nation elite in evey field of it. From ancient Greek forums to nowadays world-top universities, these campuses have never lacked of young students who are eager for knowledge and ideals, as well as experienced and erudite teachers. In both teaching and researching aspects, modern universities are playing an important role propelling the world's development. Consider these facts: the first computer which had then changed the world was made in University of Pennsylvania; a myriad scientists who won Nobel Prize came from Princeton University; many of current leaders of China graduated from the nation's most famous university, Tsinghua University; the architecture department of Delft University, which locates in Amsterdam, has provided not only the Netherlands but also the whole world a number of van ward and creative architecture masters. It is these universities' feat that has solved many social problems, changed the world dramatically and supported it by their graduates or undergraduates.

Realizing the important function of universities, establishing a global one seems more effective in solving the world's most difficult social problems, which ask for a myriad

efforts and most intelligent talent, in the following three points.

Firstly, a global university which gains students from different nations, different

cultural backgrounds and different education systems can therefore contain diversified views, methods and perspectives when dealing with a social problem. Students in different countries are taught in their unique basic education systems, and they are influenced by the society and their traditional culture separately. New views can be brought to a global universitiy by those who have never been to its nation, making its thoughts more creative. For instance, as an American university student,

IM. Pei, who was born in China and entered the countries far away from his motherland, won his first competition, the Monument of Vienam War. This monument was considered as a very important issue to show Americans' views to that cruel and tragedy war. IM. Pei used a different way to create a knife like shape into the site and made the monument full of symbols. After his graduation, IM Pei has then managed many global projects. Undoubtedly, a multi educating background gave him the ability to face architecture in different nations. As the students receive such diversified creative methods, the society will benefit a lot from a global university,

which seems to be bidirectional.

Secondly, a global university itself can be a solvent for many social problems, such as racism, war and national abhorrence. Students in universities will likely become the nations' leaders after their graduation, since they are most educated and intellectual. In a global university, elite from different countries, with different skin colors will get together. They get in touch with each other, understand others' thoughts, religions and learn about tolerance, communication and so forth. Because of such communications with foreigners, global students will come out of campuses of global universities,

bringing a global world for peace, tolerance and understand.

Thirdly, from developing a global university, a country's education system can absorb successful experience from other countries during its reforming progress. Universities in different countries have different researching, teaching and managing methods. Some are reasonable, while others are not. By learning from international students and teachers, an university can understand the world's most advanced teaching methods, managing structure and so forth. China has understood this, therefore making its Peking and TsinghuaUniversity more globalized, by inviting professors from other nations, encouraging international enrollment and learning from American top universities. Professors and students from Princeton, MIT, UPEN, Delft, Oxford and many other world top universities join in their projects and forums, therefore providing these universities vitalized development. Such projects and forums are

many focused on environmental problems, poverty, urban renovation and other social

problems, having solved many persistent ones.

To sum up, a global university can be effective when dealing with the world's most persistent social problems, considering about its mentioned advantages. Although languages, resources and policies may play as obstacles during a global university’s establishment, I believe all nations need a global university or even more for its further development, because the world's social problems need the whole world to

face, especially for those who have made themselves b

A global university, considered as absorbing foreign students and faculty（faculties）, cooperating with foreign universities and facing a highly globalized view, is recently being accepted and desired by more and more countries, since it can concentrate the world's most talent intellectuals, so as to gain different perspectives and successful experiences. On the other hand, nowadays (the) world is facing diversified social problems, including poverty, economical reform, terrorism, multi-media globalization, environmental problems and so forth, many of which are interacted between elements separated in different nations, therefore asking for a global sight to analyze and solve. In these senses, I think it will serve many nations' interests to develop a global university to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.很流畅，但作为开头还是不够简洁Universities are born to provide nation elite（elites） in evey (every) field of it. From ancient Greek forums to nowadays world-top universities, these campuses have never lacked of young students who are eager for knowledge and ideals, as well as experienced and erudite teachers. In both teaching and researching aspects, modern universities are playing an important role propelling the world's development. Consider these facts: the first computer which had then changed the world was made in University of Pennsylvania; a myriadscientists who won Nobel Prize came from Princeton University; many of current leaders of China （are）graduated from the nation's most famous university, Tsinghua University; the architecture department of Delft University, which locates (能用分词located就别用从句吧) in Amsterdam, has provided not only the （去掉）Netherlands but also the whole world a number of van ward and creative architecture masters. It is these universities' feat that has solved many social problems, changed

the world dramatically and （been）supported it (去掉) by their graduates or

undergraduates.Realizing the important function of universities, establishing a global one seems more effective in solving the world's most difficult social problems, which ask for a myriad efforts and most intelligent talent (talents), in the following three points.Firstly, a global university which gains (recruits,enrolls似乎更好吧) students from different nations, different cultural backgrounds and different education systems can therefore contain diversified views, methods and perspectives when dealing with a social problem. Students in different countries are taught in their unique basic

education systems, and they are influenced by the society and their traditional culture separately. New views can be brought to a global universitiy （university） by those who have never been to its nation, making its thoughts more creative. For instance, as an American university student, IM. Pei, who was born in China and entered the countries far away from his motherland, won his first competition, the Monument of Vienam （Vietnam） War. This monument was considered as a very important issue to show Americans' views to that cruel and tragedy (tragic) war. IM. Pei used a different way to create a knife like shape into the site and made the monument full of symbols. After his graduation, IM Pei has then managed many global projects. Undoubtedly, a multi educating background gave him the ability to face architecture in different nations. As the students receive such diversified creative methods, the society will benefit a lot from a global university,

which seems to be bidirectional.

Secondly, a global university itself can be a solvent for many social problems, such as racism, war and national abhorrence. Students in universities will likely become the nations' leaders after their graduation, since they are most educated and intellectual. In a global university, elite (ｅｌｉｔｅｓ) from different countries, with different skin colors will get together. They get in touch with each other, understand others' thoughts, religions and learn about tolerance, communication and so forth.（好则增强相互理解，否则加剧民族冲突） Because of such communications with foreigners, global students will come out of campuses of global universities, bringing a global

world for（去掉） peace, tolerance and understand （understanding）.

from other nations, encouraging international enrollment and learning from American top universities. Professors and students from Princeton, MIT, UPEN, Delft, Oxford and many other world top universities join in their projects and forums, therefore providing these universities vitalized development. Such projects and forums are many focused on environmental problems, poverty, urban renovation and other social problems, having solved many persistent ones.

need a global university or even more for its further development, because the world's social problems need the whole world to face, especially for those who have made themselves branch

into this uniformed system.

限时还能写这么多，牛人啊~~ 第一次给别人改，改得不好不要介意哦~~

结构上没什么问题，就是注意一些明显的语法错误和语言变化的多样性~~

Fighting~~

PS。lastangel什么时候考啊，有时间看看我的同题吧，谢谢~~

http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-568144-1-1.html

ranch into this uniformed system.

issue11 求拍求拍

题目：ISSUE11 - \"All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most

persistent social problems.\"

提纲

1.很多问题是全球的

2.global university将各国的力量联合起来，更可能解决问题

3.还有很多实际的问题需要解决

The course of globalization and the technological enhancements bring on not only convenient and modern life but also more complex problems than ever before, or even crises, which gestates the opinion of developing a global university in order to sole the world's most persistent social problems. To serve the inward purpose, the university will also have a long way to go--forming, storming, norming and

eventually performing.

of international problems have become so serious that they have been threatening the evolution or even the survival of human beings and other innocent species, such as the environmental pollution, the energy crisis, the warming up of the climate, the depletion of the atmospheric ozone, the intimidation of the terrorism, to name a few. At present, in order to achieve and maintain a place in the furious competition, more and more business take a global strategy, which means enlarging their proportion of the limited market and reducing the cost by taking advantage of the labor forces, skills, energy and technologies all over the world. Any fluctuations in political policies, the legal system, and the macro economy can poses pressure and risk to the multinational corporation and other nations. Whichever country will feel incompetent

and feeble in face of these tough tasks.

As the problems are global, the solutions should also be global. Aside from the ameliorations and improvements of our daily life, the scientific discoveries and technological advancements also produce more intricate and terrible problems, the treatment of the AIDS or cancers, the procedures to better control the nuclear-power and disposition of the pollutants like plastic exhausted from the everyday life. A global university can bring together the excellent experts and academicians, the finite funds, along with the diverse ideology and methodology. With the blurred boarders of cultures, nationalities and races, the most advanced technologies and discoveries can be gathered and work together for the good of the earth as a whole, and the absolutely different visual angle and thought way may become an especial inspiration of the research. The assertion that the most terrible danger is produced by man is somewhat reasonable. Taking the conflicts and wars between nations and cultures for example, only with mutual understanding and toleration can we reduce the possibility of the replay of that kind of catastrophes? The university may be a good place to provide the

environment for cultivating this international spirit from the young.

Before it can serve its purpose functionally, the university would encounter a substantial amount of threatens and temptations for its own sake. The diversity, whether political, religious, cultural or lingual will promise some conflicts and impediments that may even jeopard the existence of the university itself. The decisions about which area is more important or which problem is more urgent may be influenced by the politics, and then the university may become a tool serving the most powerful country in the world. As the lesson of the genetic industry in the Soviet Union in the Stalin era tells, the science hardly functions as well as it should

under the direct interruption of the government. These practical concerns heavily

undermine the realization of the idea to build a global university.

own system of values and cognition concerning the world and life. Thus, the determinant in the process of solving the persistent global problems may be the enhancement of the international cognitions and reinforce the coordination of the whole human being. To that global university, if can be constituted one day, universalism should be one of the basically scientific guidelines, which indicates that the authenticity of scientific knowledge must be judged by the impersonal criteria of the scientific method, not by criteria related to the race, nationality, religion ,gender

or political ideology.

The course of globalization and the technological enhancements bring on not only convenient and modern life but also more complex problems than ever before, or even crises, which gestates the opinion of developing a global university in order to solesolve the world's most persistent social problems. 开头很好耶！ To serve the inward purpose, the university will also will also改成still 是不是会更好啊？ have a long way to go--forming, storming, norming and eventually performingstorming , norming 没看懂，norming在字典上查不到555.

It is the global nature of the problems that put forward the requirement that all the countries in the world should cooperate with each other--probably in the form of a university--to settle the impediments which we are in face of这句真好！. An increasing number of international problems have become so serious that they have been threatening the evolution or or是不是不需要啊？even the survival of human beings and other innocent species, such as the environmental pollution, the energy crisis, the warming up of the climateglobal warming , the depletion of the atmospheric ozone, the intimidation of the terrorism, 赞！很全面！to name a few. At present, in order to achieve and maintain a place in the furious competition, more and more business take a global strategy, which means enlarging their proportion of the limited market and reducing the cost by taking advantage of the labor forces, skills, energy and technologies all over the world.例子很好 Any fluctuations in political policies, the legal system, and the macro economy can posespose pressure and risk to the multinational corporation and other nations. Whichever country will feel incompetent and feeble in face of these tough tasks.

As the problems are global, the solutions should also be global.这个句子写得好 Aside from the ameliorations and improvements of our daily life, the scientific discoveries and technological advancements also produce more intricate and terrible problems, the treatment of the AIDS or cancers, the procedures to better control the nuclear-power and disposition of the pollutants like plastic exhausted from the everyday life. A global university can bring together the excellent experts and academicians, the finite funds, along with the diverse ideology and methodology. With the blurred boarders of culturesblurred boarders of cultures是什么意思啊，又没看懂。。。5555~~, nationalities and races, the most advanced technologies and discoveries can be gathered and work together for the good of the earth as a whole, and the absolutely different visual angle and thought way may become an especial inspiration of the research. The assertion that the most terrible danger is produced by man is somewhat reasonable. Taking the conflicts and wars between nations and cultures for example, only with mutual understanding and toleration can we reduce the possibility of the replay of that kind of catastrophes? The university may be a good place to provide the environment for cultivating this international spirit from the young youth.

真是抱歉噢，我真的不知道应该改什么地方了，你的expression真的很好，我一边读你的文章一边拼命查字典，我感觉你的每个句子每个词都是经过精心思考和组织的，还有几个例子我觉得用的也很好噢！你的文章有我太多值得我学习的地方！

It is the global nature of the problems that put forward the requirement that all the countries in the world should cooperate with each other--probably in the form of a university--to settle the impediments which we are in face of. An increasing number of international problems have become so serious that they have been threatening the evolution or even the survival of human beings and other innocent species, such as the environmental pollution, the energy crisis, the warming up of the climate, the depletion of the atmospheric ozone, the intimidation of the terrorism, to name a few. At present, in order to achieve and maintain a place in the furious competition, more and more business take a global strategy, which means enlarging their proportion of the limited market and reducing the cost by taking advantage of the labor forces, skills, energy and technologies all over the world. Any fluctuations in political policies, the legal system, and the macro economy can poses pressure and risk to the multinational corporation and other nations. Whichever country will feel incompetent and feeble in face of these tough tasks. (列

举了global problems)

As the problems are global, the solutions should also be global.（后面又变了） Aside from the ameliorations and improvements of our daily life, the scientific discoveries and technological advancements also produce more intricate and terrible problems, the treatment of the AIDS or cancers, the procedures to better control the nuclear-power and disposition of the pollutants like plastic exhausted from the everyday life. （又回来了）A global university can bring together the excellent experts and academicians, the finite funds, along with the diverse ideology and methodology. With the blurred boarders of cultures, nationalities and races, the most advanced technologies and discoveries can be gathered and work together for the good of the earth as a whole, and the absolutely different visual angle and thought way may become an especial inspiration of the research. (以下另起炉灶）The assertion that the most terrible danger is produced by man is somewhat reasonable. Taking the conflicts and wars between nations and cultures for example, only with mutual understanding and toleration can we reduce the possibility of the replay of that kind of catastrophes? The university may be a good place to provide the environment for cultivating this international spirit from the young.（语言不错，但是段内结构有些乱）

urgent may be influenced by the politics, and then the university may become a tool serving the most powerful country in the world. As the lesson of the genetic industry in the Soviet Union in the Stalin era tells, the science hardly functions as well as it should under the direct interruption of the government. These practical concerns heavily undermine the realization of the idea to build a global university. （这段很精彩，但没体现在开头段里）

最大的优点是语言！语言达到这个程度就可以了，无须在语言上再下功夫。但是在结构和论证上有点问题：

1 英文讲究形式逻辑，要有态度标志，不要只靠行文来讲述态度

2 段内结构要清晰，每段中心讲一个话题。虽然可以有多个意群，但要有组织。

3 每段最好讲一个观点，一方面的论证，而不是只列举现象。 4 开头段和结尾段要明显全面。 5 结构上有自己的创见是好的，但英文学术写作还是有一定之规的。创建在基本结构基础上才是出色的。

6 论证的说服力好。但层次上稍显单薄，论证的角度在明确就更好了。

有几个问题解释一下

1.第一段里首先说人类的进步带来了很多问题（第二段论证），这些问题需要全人类来解决（第三段），但建立大学还有很多困难（第四段）我没用过I agree.....之类的，觉得是太明显的restate，不过看来还是要有些标志词的

2.我第二段是想说问题是全球的，第三段想说问题的解决也要依靠世界各国的力量，但总觉得写出来会有所重叠。而且是半夜赶出来的，当时的思路真是。。。。。第三段里面我从两方面来说如何来依靠世界的力量，一个是学术方面可以带来很多新技术，新理论，和思维方式，另一个是社会问题，可以通过文化的融合减少民族冲突。

3.我结尾里面第一句是一个全文的总结，因为我觉得这些问题在全文都有详细论述，无论怎样改写都会看起来枯燥，没内容，我后面就没再讲这三个问题，而是展开了一下，先说大学并不是解决问题的根本办法，决定因素在于各民族的相关理解和宽容（其实想说是由政治因素决定，只是政治不好不敢发明评论，呵呵）最后说了一下要想建好这个大学就要本着一个原则（universalism)，忠于事实，不受种族，国籍，文化，政治的干扰

差不多这样子

PS：我有时写着写着就会偏离自己想的，有时很难用英文说清楚自己确定想说的，不能切中要害，自己也觉得一直在打擦边球，但就是不知道该怎么表达。

不过看了笑看红尘的修改收获不小，正在打算大改一下

欢迎高人指点，呵呵

The course of globalization and the technological enhancements bring on not only convenient and modern life but also more complex problems than ever before, or even crisescrisis, which gestates the opinion of developing a global university in order to solesolve the world's most persistent social problems. To serve the inward purpose, the university will also have a long way to go--forming, storming, norming确实在词典上查不到，只有动词才有-ING形式，而NORM是名词 and eventually performing.

It is the global nature of the problems that put forward the requirement that all the countries in the world should cooperate with each other--probably in the form of a university--to settle the impediments which we are in face of. An increasing number of international problems have become so serious that they have been threatening the evolution or even the survival of human beings and other innocent species, such as the environmental pollution, the energy crisis, the warming up of the climate, the depletion of the atmospheric ozone, the intimidation of the terrorism, to name a few.精辟到位的举例！ At present, in order to achieve and maintain a place in the furious competition, more and more business take a global strategy, which means enlarging their proportion of the limited market and reducing the cost by taking advantage of the labor forces, skills, energy and technologies all over the world. Any fluctuations in political policies, the legal system, and the macro economy can poses去掉 pressure and risk to the multinational corporation and other nations. Whichever country will feel incompetent and feeble in face of these tough tasks. 语言真的太好了，观点也不错，阐述现存的许多全球化问题，而一个国家的力量无法解决，以衔接下面需要全球合作的观点

absolutely different visual angle and thought way may become an especial inspiration of the research. The assertion that the most terrible danger is produced by man is somewhat reasonable. Taking the conflicts and wars between nations and cultures for example, only with mutual understanding and toleration can we reduce the possibility of the replay of that kind of catastrophes? The university may be a good place to provide the environment for cultivating this international spirit from the young.如果这一段集中阐述全球化学校解决问题的优势就好了，观点其实不错，集中了更多的物质和人力资源。

Although the global university can create and provide the environment and conditions needed to do some scientific research, there is no guarantee to the solutions, let alone the implementation. As the experience tells, the major purpose of college education is to improve the comprehensive diathesis of the students and to help them shape their own system of values and cognition concerning the world and life. Thus, the determinant in the process of solving the persistent global problems may be the enhancement of the international cognitions and reinforce the coordination of the whole human being. To that global university, if can be constituted one day, universalism should be one of the basically scientific guidelines, which indicates that the authenticity of scientific knowledge must be judged by the impersonal criteria of the scientific method, not by criteria related to the race, nationality, religion ,gender or political ideology.结尾可以用让步的写法，显得观点不那么绝对。但还有有些问题：1，如果直接把一、三句连接起来，逻辑还更紧密一些。2，我觉得最后一句的定义有些离题了吧。即使是建设了这样一个平等的大学，对于前面你讲的观点有改良嘛？很突兀的一句话。还不如不写3，如果说单靠全球化大学不够的话，还有什么其它途径来增加国际间的了解，认识和合作呢。而全球化大学的目的不就再于此吗？如果全球化大学的教育目的和普通大学一样，为什么还需要建立呢？有些循环论证的感觉了。我认为可以改良，针对你提出全球化大学弱点的改良措施。也可以让步，说现在全球化大学解决问题的层面还不够，所以可以通过高层互访，建立合作组织，加强各级交流来解决。我的意见，仅供参考

你的语言和逻辑其实都很不错，说实话给你挑错很伤脑筋。所以都是鸡蛋里面挑骨头了。意见不对的话，欢迎指正。还要多多向你学习！！

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